The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Randomize
