She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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