About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
