You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
