I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
