are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Randomize
