batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
Farmville is her only friend.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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