u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
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