so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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