Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
How naked do you want me to be?
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
