the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
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