she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
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