after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
