So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
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