Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Randomize
