What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Randomize
