Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
True college students do jello shots in the library
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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