yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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