Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
