Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
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