So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Randomize
