Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
i'm signing you up for texting rehab
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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