In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
