If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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