I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
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