batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
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