I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize