Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
