HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Randomize
