Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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