Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
