If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
I am mentally ready for anal.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
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