I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
