Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize