Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Randomize
