dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
