Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
