Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Randomize
