Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
She said her name was "party"
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
