Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Randomize
