Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
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