is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
