Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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