we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
