and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
I would fuck him just for his dog
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
