how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
