the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Randomize
