can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
