According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
