My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
