Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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