you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
