If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
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