I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
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