I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
I AM VODKA MAN
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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