I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Randomize
