You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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