idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
