so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
