So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
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