she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Randomize
