All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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