if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize