Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Randomize
