I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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