if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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