Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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