I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
