I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
