Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
I'm at about main and main street
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
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