My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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