3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Randomize
