Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Randomize
