so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
