she kept yelling 'call me bella'
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
If I die, sorry about rent.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
