I think im going to throw up on grandma
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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