my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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