you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Randomize
