This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Randomize
