I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
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