Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
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