Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Randomize
