she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
You ate ashes out of my bong
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
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