All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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