I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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