kristin has been a bad kristin
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
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