I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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