drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
