Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Everclear isn't food dammit
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize
