Do you still have your period?
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Randomize
