She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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