apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Randomize
