just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
